fast car.

(yes this is a completely irrelevant photo to what i'm going to say.)

i don't know about you, but i know cases like that with people around me - when you had too much fun when you were young, so much that it died off the moment you decided to take slow turn in life. well, it could be a slow turn, a fail u-turn or whatever. you know... when you feel like you've aged although you've not, everything is a fucking bore to you.

say, you got out of the fast lane, took a slow turn - everything becomes well, slow. everything becomes boring. for example, you grew out of going to clubs, you grew out of being drunk, you grew out of having whacky crazy fun, you grew out of stealing from convenient shops which have no cameras installed, you grew out of going out, you grew out of stealing candies, you grew out of cutting classes, you grew out of every fun that you used to love when you were younger.

it has happened to my boyfriend.

now it's happening to me. i just feel like i've been going out and doing whatnots since i was able to go out. like... 12. and now doing everything again seems so tiring. so fucking boring. i mean, haven't we been to clubs? isn't it just the same old fucking thing? what if you get caught stealing candies?

and... why do we always have to go out all the time? staying at home is good bitches.

plus it's not just about the dullness that's gonna set in, it's about the fear of doing whackshit stuff and then the fear of GETTING CAUGHT. because when you're older you just naturally fear every single fucking thing.

we had balls, man, we had balls when we were young. i mean i still have, but not as big as before. i am still a little bit brave but not as brave as i used to be. i am still a screw up but before, i was a GIANT screw up...

do you guys feel this way? fuck, i'm only 20 and all i wanna do is to work and stay at home, play with my dog... i'm okay with being alone, you know. i mean yeah i do go out sometimes... have a bit of fun but i don't think i'll go back to who i used to be.

looking forward. xoxo.

forever and ever babe!

i used to despise people when they post up the stupid, over-used, trendy phrase - "will you still love me in the morning?" (and also phrases like, "can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like......" fuck you stop it). i hate when people put up such things just because erm, it is what every other fuck nut has been posting.

it is only right when quotes like these gives you such deep, tingling sadness OR happiness. then you post them up. fuckers who abuse good quotes are so... undeep.

anyway, it is until now, today, that i realise that "will you still love me in the morning?" quote makes so, so, so much sense.

the other day, i was in a huge fight with my boyfriend. i told him everything that's been kept in my heart for the longest time. it was about 3 in the morning and we stopped everything close to 4. he ended the fight with, "i'm going to sleep".

THAT moment, was when i wondered, "will you still love me in the morning?" as i looked into his sleeping eyes...

i thought everything was going to end. or, everything was spiralling downfuckinghill. when morning comes, it's just gonna be you heading to work, me heading to work, no contact, cold fucking war, nothing to talk about BECAUSE the fight didn't end with anything.

of course that how i interpreted the quote anyway... the fear, the question, the insecurity that killed me and my sleep.

everything ended after a day, i am doing good.

in '77 and '69!

by far the best lyrics i've ever heard/seen in my entire life. i cannot agree MORE, no words to describe how i cannot agree more with the lyrics. it's a paradoxical, beautiful song. sandi thom was a one-song wonder but i think i know why. enjoy:



Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In '77 and '69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When the head of state didn't play guitar
Not everybody drove a car
When music really mattered and when radio was king
When accountants didn't have control
And the media couldn't buy your soul
When computers were still scary and we didn't know everything

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In '77 and '69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When popstars still remained a myth
And ignorance could still be bliss
And when God Saved the Queen she turned a whiter shade of pale
My mum and dad were in their teens
And anarchy was still a dream
And the only way to stay in touch was a letter in the mail

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In '77 and '69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When record shops were still on top
And vinyl was all that they stocked
And the super info highway was still drifting out in space
Kids were wearing hand me downs
And playing games meant kick arounds
And footballers still had long hair and dirt across their face

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In '77 and '69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

help.

i wish for a big big big pair of hands sheltering me against the scorching sun as i walk on the streets, i wish for that big big big pair of hands to hug me when i'm feeling cold. i wish for that big big big pair of hands to magically send energy, love and a lot of attention. let that big big big pair of hands bring me warmth, joy and safety - let them bring me to another world. i don't need presents, flashy gifts or big cars. what that big big big pair of hands can give, i'd trade 5 years of my life to own. my own god... my own savior.

they can't talk but they know when to hold my hands.
they can't talk but they know when i cry.
they can't talk but they are like energy bars.
they can't talk but they would make me emotionally satisfied.

where are the big big big pair of hands?

please help.

i'm still alive.

i'll always be me.

pumped up kicks.

hi. a lot has happened these past few days. i got to know that i was hired and had to go for training immediately. i wish i could take photos of the store i work at but photography isn't allowed. it's peaceful and beautiful and i get to be a shopkeeper! so come on down to 88 club street, it's a boutique called TROLLEY.

2 good songs for you to listen to and songs that i can play in the shop:



also, i find it hard to tell people that i listen to indie music. because by doing so, i would sound cocky - which is so not on purpose. and if i don't say that i actually enjoy indie music, bitches would be like, "whattttt???" because i usually say, "oh i listen to music that you probably won't like..." humble, yah?

anyways, i will update when i'm in the shop! xx

sweet dreams are made of...

beautiful, funky, popular songs back in the days... i would kill to live in their times. made me laugh and smile listening to them. amen to true music way before us.

because...

because 'no doubt' is probably one of the best bands out there. enjoy:

this band made one of the best music ever. i am lying on my bed with my laptop, thinking back on the days when i was young, rebellious, in and out of love, happy, angry and sad while the band is playing.

i don't like what the world is becoming. i want to live in 'no doubt' time... early 2000s, in the 90s. heck, 80s is also fine.

For a long time I was in love
Not only in love, I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It didn't work out, I'm covered in shells

And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple man
So I could be a wife

I'm so ashamed, I've been so mean
I don't know how it got to this point
I always was the one with all the love
You came along, I'm hunting you down

sunday; always a family day.

said "no" to them at first but glad i went out with my parents. it was a pretty fruitful day.

when i was younger, i've never allowed myself to change the fact that i was born and still am a buddhist. even when my sister took a religion change in her life, so did some of my friends (they even pulled me to churches) and random people who'd invite me to churches - if i was born a buddhist, i will be one forever. if i was born a christian, i will be one forever. it's the same for if i'm a roman catholic, or hindu. you get my drift.

so my parents and i would go to the temple once in awhile, pray for safety and happiness for everyone in the family. sometimes i forget about the procedures, dad would teach me. the temple is located at waterloo street - never really care about what the names of the streets are.

we walked, we talked, we ate, we laughed and we prayed.

i wish for my life to continue be as simple as this beautiful sunday afternoon i had.

hippie at a hill.

hi. blogging live at ann siang hill - the place where all the artsy things are and where people of high society hang out. currently waiting to be interviewed by TROLLEY, honestly i have no idea what they expect of me.

i feel like i won't get hired because i am not good enough. honestly, i don't think i'm good enough. i THINK they are looking for a graphic designer, which is what i like to do but not what i ALWAYS do.

in the past, in class, my classmates would ask me to do whatever graphic designs that our team came up with. i was in charged.

but this is the "real" deal, this is a job that i am talking about. the people i'm going to work with are not my classmates or team members anymore.

besides, i only do colour blocks, simple solid symmetrical/assymetrical or geometric shapes with typography - just how good am i? i honestly don't know.

i'm sitting by the road (lol yes) because there are no spaces around for me to slack my tits. and people are looking at me weird. i'm just waiting for the time to enter the shop.

i must say i lack of a lot of confidence, i don't know. i've never worked in such line before. i used to look for apparel retail, interesting places like spotlight - which all turned out to be disappointment after disappointment.

it seems that when people are promoted, they become dipshits right after. douche and think they are all that. it is rare that people of higher authorities are really down to earth and nice. you know?

is it because of the responsibilities that they bear, they have to become dipshits? i mean, they could also be nice. why is it that sternness is the key to being a responsible leader? sternness, meanness, arrogance and shit like that. do they give out the wrong vibe or are we just imbeciles complaining about this and that? hm.

anyway i'm shitting myself right now. nervous.

yeah nervous.

the person from the shop told me it's a "brief" interview. but how brief is brief?

argh...

more than glitz.

8 new additions to my (A LOT OF) nail polish bottles - these are all the way from korea while my sister was on a holiday trip. oh you don't know me, i lalalove nail polish bottles. no matter what colour! and i love painting my nails - it's what i do 2 to 3 times a week. i told my sister that i wanted something heavy glitter and the ones you see just right above are pastel-matte nail polish bottles, they are for me to share with my sister.

looks like i've to come up with something new to do on my nails.

xoxo.

who do you think you are?

great, beautiful mainstream songs, they don't deserved to be abused by radio stations... then again, they need the fame and they need the money to get their careers rolling. but i just wish they weren't so "out there"...





enjoy.

pink is the always the new black.

pink keyboard cover for my macbook has arrived. my bed and stuff on it has never been more pink. i like pink stuff but just not apparels, i would just look like a pink cow. also, i have successfully dotted my nails, with barely any mistakes with a dotting tool, i am very pleased and obsessed with my nails because i look at them all the time. and i don't know why, but i feel that my neckermann sandals are dying, with its thin soles. i am sad because they are the best sandals i've ever owned.

i should go stock 'em up. like, 5 pairs.

my life is very peaceful now, i hope it remains like this. got hitched with a job interview during the weekend in a shop called 'trolley', i hope i get the job because i don't see anyone working there but me. let's hope this week ends well.

and let's hope everyone is happy and less bitchy.

peace out xx.


(something to kick you outta the peaceful funk you got from reading my blog post. heh.)

club 27.

rest in peace, amy winehouse.

they say, people only remember you after you die. that's not true, when your album was released years back, i didn't like how you sounded like a man in 'rehab' - but i slowly grew to love it, so i downloaded your album and my favourite song has got to be 'you know i'm no good'. i still play your songs.

i love how you were so honest, cool and made such good music unlike what the radio is playing. you were so young but you were inspired by very old school jazz artists. i love how you didn't wanna get famous, you just wanted to be musician - but those shitfuck paparazzi just couldn't leave you alone and you, couldn't leave drugs and booze alone.

it's sad that the problems in your life had taken over you, your health and your body. i wish for you to rest well up there, your music will still live on, just like your beautiful voice.

my bestfriend.

Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things.

yesterday was an impromptu decision to head down to 'the daily scoop' to have yummy waffles and ice-cream. these great food are my weaknesses, i crave for them really regularly. and it is not so expensive, the picture you see above - it's only $5.80.

hmm just when i was straight on about going to the gym, we are now planning to go there often with 2 of my other lovely friends. but friends and food are more important. fuck healthy diets, right?

i hope i get to meet my bestfriend more often. it's not far away from adulthood so we have to do so many things while we are still young.

treees.

trees make me happy. looking at trees make me happy. when i walk alone, which is most of the time in my life, i would sit down and look at trees and grass fields. perhaps it's the greenery i see that's so attractive, so surreal, so calm. like they are not complicated like we all humans are. they just move and sway where the wind goes, like they do not have any worries or troubles.

i like to sit on the grass field just right outside my humble crib. but it is always scorching hot and the heat burns my skin. the grass is dried and brown - but i still like it there anyway. i would walk my dog and then we would sit there and watch the cars pass by.

youtube.

youtube is kinda like... my life. without it, i'd be better off dead. it is the, i think, the main source of entertainment at home. because i don't really watch tv, i don't really leave home to catch movies, i download movies and mostly i would just watch the youtube.

youtube has got to be a lot more important than google. i can survive without searching for information online but i think i would just die if i don't get to watch videos for the entire day.

so i am going to share with you my favourite youtubers and channels that i religiously follow. i watch their old videos again and again and if there are new ones, i would watch them all immediately. then watch again. and again. go on... yes... yes... go on.

1) (duh?!) SHANE DAWSON.


he is just so amazing, the stuff he do in his videos, his hard work, all the characters he has created - all played by him. no matter how fucked up, vulgar or violent his videos are, most of them have inspiring messages behind them. and he is beautiful. he, really is.

one of the MOST popular character he plays, shanaynay. it's kinda weird, sick but really funny. and at the end, you will understand the the true meaning behind this videos. and he has a lot of videos like that. which is cute, and inspiring. weird combo, isn't it? using violent, weird videos to convey nice and heartwarming messages across. sexy.

2) SMOSH.


they are cute and retarded. that's all i can say:

3) PETER CHAO.

because this chinese guy, my friend, is FUCKING hilarious.

4) RRCHERRYPIE.

there is something therapeutic about watching a lady playing with japanese toys. i am obsessed with them because of the work that's put into something that will become useless after maybe, 10 seconds. it's the process that's so enjoyable. some of the toys rot, some don't, some are edible, some are not. but really... just look at the process. it's magical.

5) GEOFG.


he posts videos of his cute japanese-american daughter. i don't know what it is but i watch a lot of nina's videos - there's something very pure, relaxing to watch about her. you can see her having fun, having conversations, eating, singing, dancing. innocence that will be, sadly, gone when she grows older and older.

-

soooo these are my top 5 youtubers. i know they are like, super popular and all that crap. but they really make me laugh and they kill a lot of my time.

there're a lot of things you can search for. like, madTV, ellen degeneres show, tyra banks, masterchef, misfits and lotsa shit.

and i would just like to say that...

i really love youtube.

one day my prince will come.

exactly.

big, bOld and beautiful.

i am officially the queen of junk food. why?

so... i don't know how long ago was this, probably a year, or something. my mum started getting really busy with some chinese workout, usually about 2 hours and she's been keeping herself really occupied with chinese medical horse shit. the rest of the family members all had no food for dinner, most of the time we would eat out. it is the same for now.

i eat a lot of junk food. but i am thinking of making healthy food like, toasted wheat bread with tuna, salad, ham sandwiches and shit.

today, i deem myself as the queen of junk food. let me tell you what food i had for the whole of 24 hours.

• breakfast: i cooked spicy chicken instant fried noodle with canned tuna.
• lunch: 3 packets of instant campbell soup.
• dinner: in a theatre, a hotdog bun with a bottle of soft drink.

i mean, really, think about it - how fucking unhealthy?! i feel sad for my body. and the above photo you see was my supper like 10 minutes ago.

fact: i like to soak things in liquid. not soaking stuff in pee or wet shit... i mean soaking my rice in soup, soaking biscuits in hot drink, soaking bread into half-boiled egg. i haven't seen anyone like me 'cept for young kids.

i am not weird, am i?

so talking about eating, there are important issues that saddens me and i wanna talk about.

when i was with clifton in the earlier years, i had this mindset that i was fat and big. i thought if i had more food stuffed into my body it's fine because it's already so big. but i was wrong. in the earlier years, i was actually slim, i never knew that, i thought i was really big. i disliked my body but i enjoyed eating so i never stopped eating.

i was like,
"if you're in love, why the fuck do you bother?"
"i like eating, i love my boyfriend, why care?"
"we eat a lot and we are super happy together".

well, i did not bother. and my body size grew much bigger. like, now. even though it's bigger now, i don't dislike my body anymore because i've accepted what i've become and if i do wanna change my body, i will do it healthily.

the thing is, i never wanted to starve myself. i never wanted to feel like i should be stick skinny. even with my thighs which grew bigger, it will never be as bad as people who grew up being really big. with my tummy, i could conceal with loose but pretty tops. some people, they never had the chance to be slim or normal-sized or chubby like me, they are always big.

do you know how sad and inferior they feel no matter how confident they look on the outside?

i never had models on posters on my walls or in my computer because i know we are all different, and we will never be like each other. i never wanted to stop eating because if i don't, i will die.

sure, there was a period of time i wanted to slim down - but that was because i realized my food intake was insane and if i don't stop eating too much, my body will stop working one fine day.

sure, there were also times i felt like i was a truck, big and bulky, i wanted to look pretty in clothes. but you know what? i still eat but i cut down on the intake. i still feel pretty when i look into the mirror. i take care of my hair now, i brush them very often. i feel pretty.

girls in this modern society, they wanna look good, be fashion-forward, dress up in clothes that are all the same, be popular, be "hot". i feel extremely sorry for them. i've seen girls trying to slim down, taking weird pills, starving themselves, teaching people how to starve themselves. i've seen girls becoming sticks after they gained popularity with friends and lots of other friends.

i am sickened.

it's not a lie i've gained a lot of weight - but what matters is that i am a bird. i am carefree, i have my own beliefs and i live my own life. and i will shed unhealthy weight by the healthy way, i am just so lazy to do it now but take my words, i will.

i just want girls to be happy with themselves. skinny girls complain that they are fat - this is just plain bollocks. but of course, this post wouldn't make any difference to the girls out there. i just wanna type it down for whoever's gonna read it.

demi lovato is a good example but she turned her life over, now a beautiful girl who is overcoming her problems (cutting, eating disorder).

people are not "fat bitches", they are just big... and there are reasons why people look the way they are.

sometimes my mouth slip and accidentally call a person fat. but i promise to myself i will not do it anymore.

the rule to a good dog and owner.

“The most important thing that we have to provide every day is that we are the pack leader, that we set the rules, the boundaries and the limitations, and then we love. Most of the people, they go to get a dog because they need somebody to love. So they are going after what they need, not what the dog needs. And that, to me, creates instability immediately, and the dog sees the human as a soft energy. So they don't follow the lovable leader or a spiritual leader; they follow a dominant one.”

- cesar millan, the dog whisperer.

this man is amazing.

:'(

Say when you're alone
It's better 'cause nobody knows you
When no one's your friend
It's better 'cause nobody leaves you
So you turned your back
On a world that you could never have
'Cause your heart's been cracked
And everyone else's is goin' mad

[Chorus:]
But I hear voices
And I see colors
But I wish I felt nothing
Then it might be easy for me
Like it is for you

Now all of these people
Come up from deep holes
Pullin' you down
And it's just no use
When all the abuse follows you down
By the morning you've gone
Leavin' me here all alone
Sayin' it's no mystery
I know that nobody here needs me

[chorus]

And I know you believe that you and me don't belong here
And the worst we could do
Is keep trying to pretend we care

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/wallflowers/iwishifeltnothing.html

photos and music.

july.

july hasn't been very kind to me. and you know i can't really feel why, i just think it's not that good of a month. perhaps i never felt happy since the first of july? perhaps.

so what happened during the first part of july:

1) i found out that the insurance fight with the uncle who crushed my left-side mirror with his gigantic truck lost, it was equal, he had to pay some and i had to pay some. seriously bitch, it wasn't even my fault. how the fuck can someone smash their own car's left-side mirror? you get it, right?

2) i find myself constantly being disappointed by my boyfriend.

3) i smashed my own car's back window. my parking skills are usually okay but i don't know what the fuck was wrong with me i reversed it way too back and it hit a high metal railing. it's fixed already but i still feel scared that it would happen again.

4) actually i really don't know... i just think it's not a very good month.

the only one that's been giving me constant joy is probably my beloved dog, miumiu:


okay, i should also credit my 15-inch beauty for giving me happiness, like youtube, blogging, twitter, facebook and shit...


yes it's a gift from my boyfriend. i am eternally grateful.


peace out. xx

le smoking.