oh yes! i bought a new book today. it's "One Day" written by david nicholls. just started reading and i couldn't resist nodding my head agreeing with this quote... <3
Sunday, May 29, 2011
don't wanna grow up.
oh yes! i bought a new book today. it's "One Day" written by david nicholls. just started reading and i couldn't resist nodding my head agreeing with this quote... <3
my heart skipped a beat.
you know how sometimes when you are with a person for so long that you've reached an equilibrium with him, the things he did during courtship are so, so, so deadly missed.
the feeling of being courted, being showered with attention even when not needed, the sense of... oh i don't know him very well but i want to, the sense of mystery around him because you didn't know him that much before - do you get it?
now that we understand each other, i can even predict the things he would say or do before he does it. this equilibrium is good, it's safe it's... secured in both of our hearts.
but sometimes i just want to destroy the equilibrium, destroy the bridge we built and the understanding we have. and let the courtship start all over again.
but then again, if my boyfriend does all of that now with me i would probably freak the fuck out. these things that i am talking about are not tangible, can't be touched. it's the... feeling that i so wanna get back.
that tingling feeling in my heart, cheeks blushing and being nervous beside my boyfriend.
though i must say that i am proud to have reached a level most couples cannot. it took me years to reach it and both of us are really happy now.
i've cleared my thoughts. so i am going to stop now. thank you for reading. next topic (i would like to fix one just to lock the thoughts in my head in case i forget), "I'M ON A GREYYYY SCALE."
goodbye.
the feeling of being courted, being showered with attention even when not needed, the sense of... oh i don't know him very well but i want to, the sense of mystery around him because you didn't know him that much before - do you get it?
now that we understand each other, i can even predict the things he would say or do before he does it. this equilibrium is good, it's safe it's... secured in both of our hearts.
but sometimes i just want to destroy the equilibrium, destroy the bridge we built and the understanding we have. and let the courtship start all over again.
- the cute flirtatious talks.
- "what does he like? what kinda present should i get for him?"
- telling each other "i love you" shyly.
- get caught staring at one another.
but then again, if my boyfriend does all of that now with me i would probably freak the fuck out. these things that i am talking about are not tangible, can't be touched. it's the... feeling that i so wanna get back.
that tingling feeling in my heart, cheeks blushing and being nervous beside my boyfriend.
though i must say that i am proud to have reached a level most couples cannot. it took me years to reach it and both of us are really happy now.
i've cleared my thoughts. so i am going to stop now. thank you for reading. next topic (i would like to fix one just to lock the thoughts in my head in case i forget), "I'M ON A GREYYYY SCALE."
goodbye.
Friday, May 27, 2011
if you're young. /edited
if you're in your, say, 50s and you have a husband who'd been through a lot of medical problems and now he's a victim of illnesses, so he basically can't do "it" anymore. what would you do to fulfill your high drive for sex? okay, maybe not high drive but when you're in your 50s i believe sex is important as when you're... say, 16. being 50, 55, 60..... does not stop someone from wanting to have sex.
i have many questions in my head:
/ would you have sex else where with other men/another man?
/ would you think that it's selfish for a woman in this situation to fulfill her sexual needs, to seek other ways instead of her ill husband?
/ would you call her a "bitch", "unfaithful hoe", "cheating, horny slut"?
it's funny how american movies have taught me so much - they've confused me a big deal whether or not situations like these are "cheating". because at one point, one would feel sympathetic for the woman. one would feel sorry for the woman because she is not satisfied, sexually.
but in another, completely different view from a different person, she's cheating on her sick, unable-to-have-sex husband. heartless and hypocritical.
-
one of the movies i watched recently, "the dilemma" with vince vaughn innit. in that movie, he caught his bestfriend (kevin james)'s wife with another younger man (helloooooo channing tatum) because his bestfriend wasn't able to give her sex. he was so busy and upset and stressed over his work, he wasn't able to give his wife (winona ryder, hellooooooooo there) sex, for half a year.
/ is it selfish of him not sacrificing his emotions for his wife?
/ is it selfish of him to not consider the fact that his wife still needs sex?
/ is it selfish of him to put his wife aside, not making an effort to give it to her?
so okay, winono ryder found channing tatum, a younger, sexier man who gave her so much sex, she's practically HAPPY because someone out there gave her something that her husband couldn't.
becoming selfish:
wanting to feel feel wanted, reserve something for yourself, to give yourself happiness - is this being selfish?
OR
trying your best to work things out at work, not giving your wife sex because you're really always tired and stressed, trying to earn money and prove people wrong, neglecting your wife because work comes first - is this being selfish?
do we think of ourselves first or do we put others before? of course, i know there are various scenarios and situations in the entire world. i just don't get how people gauge selfishness. if you think that someone is being selfish, have you ever put yourself in that someone's shoes and think why they do the things they do?
how do we actually gauge this whole "selfishness" thing?
what is the criteria for being a selfish?
for me, i don't know what is selfish, really... i don't know if i'm contradicting myself but if i'm put in a spot where i have to sacrifice myself for my loved ones, i would stop thinking about... me.
what about you?
after all these chunks of words, listen to angus and julia stone - soothing, powerful voices... i fucking love them.
i have many questions in my head:
/ would you have sex else where with other men/another man?
/ would you think that it's selfish for a woman in this situation to fulfill her sexual needs, to seek other ways instead of her ill husband?
/ would you call her a "bitch", "unfaithful hoe", "cheating, horny slut"?
it's funny how american movies have taught me so much - they've confused me a big deal whether or not situations like these are "cheating". because at one point, one would feel sympathetic for the woman. one would feel sorry for the woman because she is not satisfied, sexually.
but in another, completely different view from a different person, she's cheating on her sick, unable-to-have-sex husband. heartless and hypocritical.
-
one of the movies i watched recently, "the dilemma" with vince vaughn innit. in that movie, he caught his bestfriend (kevin james)'s wife with another younger man (helloooooo channing tatum) because his bestfriend wasn't able to give her sex. he was so busy and upset and stressed over his work, he wasn't able to give his wife (winona ryder, hellooooooooo there) sex, for half a year.
/ is it selfish of him not sacrificing his emotions for his wife?
/ is it selfish of him to not consider the fact that his wife still needs sex?
/ is it selfish of him to put his wife aside, not making an effort to give it to her?
so okay, winono ryder found channing tatum, a younger, sexier man who gave her so much sex, she's practically HAPPY because someone out there gave her something that her husband couldn't.
becoming selfish:
wanting to feel feel wanted, reserve something for yourself, to give yourself happiness - is this being selfish?
OR
trying your best to work things out at work, not giving your wife sex because you're really always tired and stressed, trying to earn money and prove people wrong, neglecting your wife because work comes first - is this being selfish?
do we think of ourselves first or do we put others before? of course, i know there are various scenarios and situations in the entire world. i just don't get how people gauge selfishness. if you think that someone is being selfish, have you ever put yourself in that someone's shoes and think why they do the things they do?
how do we actually gauge this whole "selfishness" thing?
what is the criteria for being a selfish?
for me, i don't know what is selfish, really... i don't know if i'm contradicting myself but if i'm put in a spot where i have to sacrifice myself for my loved ones, i would stop thinking about... me.
what about you?
after all these chunks of words, listen to angus and julia stone - soothing, powerful voices... i fucking love them.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
get 2 know.
Uh Huh Her is an Indie[1]/Electropop[2] band that was formed in January 2007 and released their first EP on July 24, 2007. The band's name came from an album by artist PJ Harvey, titled Uh Huh Her.[3]
Camila Grey, a former member of the lo-fi rock band Mellowdrone, had not released any solo material prior to joining Uh Huh Her. However, she had played bass and keyboards for a variety of artists, such as Dr. Dre, Melissa Auf der Maur, Busta Rhymes, and Kelly Osbourne. She is currently a member of Adam Lambert's live band.
Leisha Hailey, formerly of The Murmurs and Gush, had temporarily left the music business to join the cast of Showtime's hit series The L Word as the character Alice Pieszecki.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uh_Huh_Her_%28band%29The city's dead by morning
Slipping past the great divide
It chases over bridges
Spins me out of my own mind
How much are you likin'
What you see is what you get
Oh, say you love me again
But you never do
I'll sing you a love
Sing you a love song
'Cause love is a game to you now
Watch just to see how long
MA JAM.
when i am old and i come back to this (future) abandoned place, i want to remind myself that i was cool back then. because THIS SONG IS SO FUCKING GOOD. SO GOOD.
City's breaking down on a camel's back.
They just have to go 'cause they don't know wack
So all you fill the streets it's appealing to see
You wont get out the county, 'cos you're bad and free
You've got a new horizon It's ephemeral style.
A melancholy town where we never smile.
And all I wanna hear is the message beep.
My dreams, they've got to kiss, because I don't get sleep, no..
Windmill, Windmill for the land.
Turn forever hand in hand
Take it all there on your stride
It is tinking, falling down
Love forever love is free
Let's turn forever you and me
Windmill, windmill for the land
Is everybody in?
happy like a pea.
amazing enough, the blog is pretty much designed to my liking. never knew blogger.com would be so advanced now! just a few clicks and now i lalaloveeee my blog layout.
and oh about like 65% of me leaving one blog after another because i couldn't get my blog to be nice, symmetrical or perfectly aligned... or weird colours and stuff. but now i'm so proud of myself. hahaha.
so anyway, if you wanna know what i'm up to lately, i'm going to tell you nothing. yeap, i've been up to nothing and basically just living my life as a junkie bum. it seems like very bad thing with people.
a lot of people i know feel that they need to work to survive, they need to work to shop, they need to work to get the latest gadgets, shoe designs and blah blah blah I SAY FUCK YOU. sorry, i don't mean to be mean but really, tiring yourselves out just to fulfil your sick materialistic dreams, it's fucking sick. but if you're working to get by day by day, i salute to you.
i know not getting a job pretty much sums up to me as a lazy person but hey, i won't deny that. i also won't deny that i'm living off my parents for now because my school life is half-fucked. i'm not sure of the weird schedules because i only have a module this year (hey also part of the reason why i can't find a job, i have to go back school sometimes, weird times).
so there was one day, clif's friend, also my newly made friend, he had this thought that "singaporeans are mostly very lazy".
without even having second thoughts about anything at all, i told him, "hey i am lazy!" (LOL). but my beloved boyfriend defended me (but it wasn't like any debate or whatever, we were just discussing).
he said, "estelle is a very simple person."
can you hear my heart sizzling because it just melted?! WOWZAAAH.
then it made me realise how simple of a person i am. i don't work because i have nothing that i truly want (coughs, some, girls, want, prada). i have no urge to shop every single day, um, i rarely shop. i eat simple. i draw. i write. i listen to songs. i play with my doggy. i play ps3. do some work from school. live my days like that.
and you fucking know what? i'm happy. i feel like i don't need money. it's true, sometimes i go out and then i spend my sister's, my mum's, my dad's, my boyfriend's money. but i don't ask for a lot. pay my meals... i have to eat.
if i work, meals are so fucking expensive everywhere. i get paid peanuts for tough work. ---- I DON'T GET WHY people do this! especially when you're young because you're supposed to live your life happily for now!
i've no qualms about having no money. i wear simple. i don't complain much.
just frustrates me how people just think about MONEY, MONEY MOEMTMOOMNEY OMNEYY and working.
money does not make you happy. sure, you buy your shit you be happy. i just don't get it that most people work to splurge it all over again on expensive things. most working people i know are so unhappy. they need to let loose, be simple, be happy.
yah, i know not all people are like that. but i just wish that people would be more simple, be carefree, complain lesser, go plant plants! go paint! go walk your dog! go suntan! read newspaper and mock at stupid writers! go listen to your guilty songs! (songs that you LOVE but afraid to tell the world) go draw! go chinatown and walk! go eat alone and appreciate things around you!
i mean i'll work but that's in the future... it will come, i know it will. why start now? i love being carefree. heck i would roll all over the grassfield outside my house. are you fucking jealous?
all i'm saying is, don't think about money for a day. spend it with your partner, parents, at home, reading a book blah blah blah.
i know i'm an asshole, i know why i don't wanna work. but i'm happy.
are you?
and oh about like 65% of me leaving one blog after another because i couldn't get my blog to be nice, symmetrical or perfectly aligned... or weird colours and stuff. but now i'm so proud of myself. hahaha.
so anyway, if you wanna know what i'm up to lately, i'm going to tell you nothing. yeap, i've been up to nothing and basically just living my life as a junkie bum. it seems like very bad thing with people.
a lot of people i know feel that they need to work to survive, they need to work to shop, they need to work to get the latest gadgets, shoe designs and blah blah blah I SAY FUCK YOU. sorry, i don't mean to be mean but really, tiring yourselves out just to fulfil your sick materialistic dreams, it's fucking sick. but if you're working to get by day by day, i salute to you.
i know not getting a job pretty much sums up to me as a lazy person but hey, i won't deny that. i also won't deny that i'm living off my parents for now because my school life is half-fucked. i'm not sure of the weird schedules because i only have a module this year (hey also part of the reason why i can't find a job, i have to go back school sometimes, weird times).
so there was one day, clif's friend, also my newly made friend, he had this thought that "singaporeans are mostly very lazy".
without even having second thoughts about anything at all, i told him, "hey i am lazy!" (LOL). but my beloved boyfriend defended me (but it wasn't like any debate or whatever, we were just discussing).
he said, "estelle is a very simple person."
can you hear my heart sizzling because it just melted?! WOWZAAAH.
then it made me realise how simple of a person i am. i don't work because i have nothing that i truly want (coughs, some, girls, want, prada). i have no urge to shop every single day, um, i rarely shop. i eat simple. i draw. i write. i listen to songs. i play with my doggy. i play ps3. do some work from school. live my days like that.
and you fucking know what? i'm happy. i feel like i don't need money. it's true, sometimes i go out and then i spend my sister's, my mum's, my dad's, my boyfriend's money. but i don't ask for a lot. pay my meals... i have to eat.
if i work, meals are so fucking expensive everywhere. i get paid peanuts for tough work. ---- I DON'T GET WHY people do this! especially when you're young because you're supposed to live your life happily for now!
i've no qualms about having no money. i wear simple. i don't complain much.
just frustrates me how people just think about MONEY, MONEY MOEMTMOOMNEY OMNEYY and working.
money does not make you happy. sure, you buy your shit you be happy. i just don't get it that most people work to splurge it all over again on expensive things. most working people i know are so unhappy. they need to let loose, be simple, be happy.
yah, i know not all people are like that. but i just wish that people would be more simple, be carefree, complain lesser, go plant plants! go paint! go walk your dog! go suntan! read newspaper and mock at stupid writers! go listen to your guilty songs! (songs that you LOVE but afraid to tell the world) go draw! go chinatown and walk! go eat alone and appreciate things around you!
i mean i'll work but that's in the future... it will come, i know it will. why start now? i love being carefree. heck i would roll all over the grassfield outside my house. are you fucking jealous?
all i'm saying is, don't think about money for a day. spend it with your partner, parents, at home, reading a book blah blah blah.
i know i'm an asshole, i know why i don't wanna work. but i'm happy.
are you?
hiiiii.
oh my fucking god. am i just amazing or what. these past years i've set up more blogs than i've painted my nails. i just can't seem to keep one because... i get lazy, real lazy. i have some short attention span disorder. and lotsa other reasons.
but i'm here right now, hopefully i won't leave this place again. because i realise i've so many things in my head that i wanna jote it down or something. so yeah... and don't ask about strangeindiesoldier. i really don't know why i chose to use that but there are a lot of things in the world that are unanswered so this shouldn't be a fucking concern, right?
peace out. i'm going to decorate it before i officially start posting.
;)
but i'm here right now, hopefully i won't leave this place again. because i realise i've so many things in my head that i wanna jote it down or something. so yeah... and don't ask about strangeindiesoldier. i really don't know why i chose to use that but there are a lot of things in the world that are unanswered so this shouldn't be a fucking concern, right?
peace out. i'm going to decorate it before i officially start posting.
;)
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