seeking solace in my room, not a very usual scene because i never do. i've never felt so calm before. my room was a piece of bad pig sty before i spent a day cleaning it up and transforming into something that i would feel comfortable in.
like i said before, seeking solace in my room, while the candle burns. burns as every second goes... listening to zooey deschanel's band. words probably can't describe the peace that i have found. but people wouldn't have to know, would they? how can someone explain the peace that they have? it's so not... describable.
now playing #sentimental heart:
Cried all night 'til there was nothin' more
What use am I as a heap on the floor?
Heaving devotion but it's just no good
taking it hard just like you knew I would
my level of tolerance amazes me everyday. my newly bought boxes just got drenched by the leakage of my air-conditioner. i didn't shout, didn't swear but only panicked softly, sighed in despair. that bitch of an air-con was well behaved until then.
so i told myself, "calm down, because whatever will be, will be".
that's right, i wasn't there to save the boxes because... well, i wasn't there. if i knew earlier, i would have known. how blatant, how cruel... how it's all meant to be. i could be just talking about the boxes but it's about life too, innit?
my brains can take in as much shit as possible. i am thankful for my short-term memory because i forget things really easily. even things that are, hard to forget for others.
i am grateful for my forgetful brains.
because i wouldn't be able to remember sad things that'd happened to me. although sometimes i am reminded of them, like avril lavigne would do, i smile... and next moment, bam i'm fine.
i am just so alone... you know? not lonely. just alone. i am fine being alone and i abhor going out. i don't see the need to go out to have a life because life is life - you build your own. no? what is life for a person, is for that person to build. i built my small empire in my home, my room.
not going out to feel that i have a life. not forcing myself to enjoy and all that shit. that's not life, that's what society has done to you. yes you may go the fuck out and create your own life, that's your problem. but don't go pull me down and ask me out... y'all know it's hard for me to leave my empire that i have created.
i am just used to myself, i am not self-absorbed, just contented enough to not thinking about anything superficial or materialistic. i love drinking but i don't force it to happen.
like i always say, things gonna happen when they gonna be.
i guess i am just weird a little bit of ways. i don't feel the need to explain things to people... it's just that it's my blog, i type really fast, explanations wouldn't kill.
i am not sure about the point i wanna get across... but if you know what i mean, you know what i mean...
i guess that's it for now. goodnight. :)
