fast car.

(yes this is a completely irrelevant photo to what i'm going to say.)

i don't know about you, but i know cases like that with people around me - when you had too much fun when you were young, so much that it died off the moment you decided to take slow turn in life. well, it could be a slow turn, a fail u-turn or whatever. you know... when you feel like you've aged although you've not, everything is a fucking bore to you.

say, you got out of the fast lane, took a slow turn - everything becomes well, slow. everything becomes boring. for example, you grew out of going to clubs, you grew out of being drunk, you grew out of having whacky crazy fun, you grew out of stealing from convenient shops which have no cameras installed, you grew out of going out, you grew out of stealing candies, you grew out of cutting classes, you grew out of every fun that you used to love when you were younger.

it has happened to my boyfriend.

now it's happening to me. i just feel like i've been going out and doing whatnots since i was able to go out. like... 12. and now doing everything again seems so tiring. so fucking boring. i mean, haven't we been to clubs? isn't it just the same old fucking thing? what if you get caught stealing candies?

and... why do we always have to go out all the time? staying at home is good bitches.

plus it's not just about the dullness that's gonna set in, it's about the fear of doing whackshit stuff and then the fear of GETTING CAUGHT. because when you're older you just naturally fear every single fucking thing.

we had balls, man, we had balls when we were young. i mean i still have, but not as big as before. i am still a little bit brave but not as brave as i used to be. i am still a screw up but before, i was a GIANT screw up...

do you guys feel this way? fuck, i'm only 20 and all i wanna do is to work and stay at home, play with my dog... i'm okay with being alone, you know. i mean yeah i do go out sometimes... have a bit of fun but i don't think i'll go back to who i used to be.

looking forward. xoxo.

forever and ever babe!

i used to despise people when they post up the stupid, over-used, trendy phrase - "will you still love me in the morning?" (and also phrases like, "can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like......" fuck you stop it). i hate when people put up such things just because erm, it is what every other fuck nut has been posting.

it is only right when quotes like these gives you such deep, tingling sadness OR happiness. then you post them up. fuckers who abuse good quotes are so... undeep.

anyway, it is until now, today, that i realise that "will you still love me in the morning?" quote makes so, so, so much sense.

the other day, i was in a huge fight with my boyfriend. i told him everything that's been kept in my heart for the longest time. it was about 3 in the morning and we stopped everything close to 4. he ended the fight with, "i'm going to sleep".

THAT moment, was when i wondered, "will you still love me in the morning?" as i looked into his sleeping eyes...

i thought everything was going to end. or, everything was spiralling downfuckinghill. when morning comes, it's just gonna be you heading to work, me heading to work, no contact, cold fucking war, nothing to talk about BECAUSE the fight didn't end with anything.

of course that how i interpreted the quote anyway... the fear, the question, the insecurity that killed me and my sleep.

everything ended after a day, i am doing good.

in '77 and '69!

by far the best lyrics i've ever heard/seen in my entire life. i cannot agree MORE, no words to describe how i cannot agree more with the lyrics. it's a paradoxical, beautiful song. sandi thom was a one-song wonder but i think i know why. enjoy:



Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In '77 and '69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When the head of state didn't play guitar
Not everybody drove a car
When music really mattered and when radio was king
When accountants didn't have control
And the media couldn't buy your soul
When computers were still scary and we didn't know everything

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In '77 and '69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When popstars still remained a myth
And ignorance could still be bliss
And when God Saved the Queen she turned a whiter shade of pale
My mum and dad were in their teens
And anarchy was still a dream
And the only way to stay in touch was a letter in the mail

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In '77 and '69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When record shops were still on top
And vinyl was all that they stocked
And the super info highway was still drifting out in space
Kids were wearing hand me downs
And playing games meant kick arounds
And footballers still had long hair and dirt across their face

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In '77 and '69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

help.

i wish for a big big big pair of hands sheltering me against the scorching sun as i walk on the streets, i wish for that big big big pair of hands to hug me when i'm feeling cold. i wish for that big big big pair of hands to magically send energy, love and a lot of attention. let that big big big pair of hands bring me warmth, joy and safety - let them bring me to another world. i don't need presents, flashy gifts or big cars. what that big big big pair of hands can give, i'd trade 5 years of my life to own. my own god... my own savior.

they can't talk but they know when to hold my hands.
they can't talk but they know when i cry.
they can't talk but they are like energy bars.
they can't talk but they would make me emotionally satisfied.

where are the big big big pair of hands?

please help.

i'm still alive.

i'll always be me.